Sunday, 8 May 2011

Mother's Day I

Today is Mother's Day - my favorite day of the year.

Since becoming a mum nearly eight years ago I have realized that nothing can compare to the feeling of love you have for your children. I look at my mum and wonder if she still feels that way about me. I don't think that age, distance, or the fact that they won't need me as much as they do now, could change the amount I love my children, so I suspect my mum feels the same. She tells me every time we speak and see each other that she loves me and shows me with everything that she does, but just like the feeling of loss and devastation, you can't imagine anyone else knowing exactly how you feel.

Another thing I have realized is that all of my parenting decisions are a reflection of how my mother parented and continues to parent me. I try to mimic the wonderful things about her and try my hardest to not make the same mistakes I feel she did. I am not naive to think that I am the only daughter to behave this way and hope that maybe by the time my grandchildren come along their parenting will be perfect because of my mum and me!

The other piece of motherly wisdom I now have is that kids remember the darndest things! I have memories of the most amazing birthday cakes and Christmas', but to my mum, these were not the highlights of my childhood. So I feel that I can thank her for the delusions of grandeur, whether they be true or not, and the obsession I have with making my children's birthdays just as perfect!

Waking up today to four adorable girls all excited by their colorful school creations it was easy to feel like I was the only mother in the world, but, I have spent the week leading up to today devastated for two other mothers in my city - one waiting for their child to wake up, and another mourning the shock loss of her two children. I hope that for those mothers and all of those others who have lost a child, or those who have lost their mother, that today was a day of love and reflection for you too.

I will go to sleep tonight feeling completely blessed to have the most amazing children and mother still with me and a prayer for my Evie who isn't. Thank you mum for who you made me and how you continue to mother and love me even now I have the responsibility of doing the same to my children. I love you very much. x

To my babies, when you were first born, in the middle of the night when you woke for a feed and everyone else was asleep, I would sit in the soft light just staring at you in wonder at how I made the most beautiful thing in the world. I still go and lie next to you while you sleep and measure your long limbs against mine hoping you will never grow up. I hope I make you as proud as you make me every day. xx

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