Sunday, 24 July 2011

Can of worms!

When Cate was born the mother's of premature babies would congregate in the parents room, on a Friday afternoon, for a bonding session. This was hosted by the hospital social worker.

I was one of about ten mums who would turn up. I would watch mum's come and go, some home with a baby, some without.

Sitting in a room with other mums living the same life as you was healing. It helped me get through to the next week, to hear how other babies were going and gave me hope.

But most of all it taught me that you cannot judge a persons pain by the cause. I walked into the very first session and listened to a mother of triplets talk about her pain at loosing one of her babies. I am ashamed to say I was angry at her. She was going home with two babies. How selfish, I was lucky if my sole twin would make it home!

After my next session and listening to numerous other mothers, my feelings changed. I saw a mother inconsolable because her child, considered one of the healthy babies, was having a blood transfusion. He was a big, strong baby, no monitors, no cords, just needed a top up. Next to tell their story was a lady who spoke without tears, just a numbness, about the most horrid things for such a tiny soul.

Who are we to judge people's pain? Our tears are not a measure of our anguish. Our smiles don't measure our happiness, so why should we be so judgemental of people's sorrow.

This was spurred from a conversation I had with my SIL yesterday. We were discussing a comment made on tv this week about how a mother of a sick child in hospital would be happy with our lives and that mums shouldn't complain so much.

Having been one of those mum's sitting aside her sick child's hospital bed once, I can tell you, I disagree. As a mum, you have every right to all of your feelings. Please, this is just a big step backwards for PND. If every mother just shut up and never complained or voiced their difficulties, there would be no solutions. There would be no autism, ADHD, aspergers - no mother would take their child to the doctor to find out if that behaviour, rash, stutter or alike was normal. 

I thank God every day for my beautiful, amazing children, but some days are challenging. I am not perfect and I don't want anybody to think that I am. We should be able to speak our hopes, dreams, thoughts and fears about our children with freedom and support. There is alway going to be someone out there worse off than you and it is a positive motto to live by, but you, your children and your family deserve the love and support that comes with honesty.

1 comment:

  1. Jo, You made me cry. In a good but sad way. LB


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