Thursday, 14 July 2011

Take 2 with food

I'm feeling a little bipolar lately!

Cate and Josephine have been at the farm for a few days and I am missing them terribly, but in contrast, I have had a girlfriend staying over with her 2 children (so I don't ever seem to have less than 4), for a small holiday, which has been lovely.

Annabelle and I met through my mother's group when our first babies were born. She lived nearby and we had a lot in common. She has since moved away and life as well as location, keeps us apart.

Yesterday was spent shopping, antique browsing and lunching - my favourite way to spend a sunny winter's day, but as the day neared end, it seemed to morph into mayhem! The children were starting to show signs of being affected by over stimulation and too much sleeplessness and mum rang to inform me of Dad's test results.

In a condensed conversation, with children yelling on both ends of the phone, mum repeated highlights of her conversation with Dad's new doctor. The prognosis wasn't good, but not unexpected. I spent the hours before bed last night in tears.

Today, the news is less like a loud drum banging in my ears and more like tinnitus. My guests have waved us goodbye and the house is quiet. My two home girls are sick and lying on my bed watching TV and the only sound is my keyboard and the rain.

He will be ok. He is sick and will be for the rest of his life, but he has the power to not make it any worse, his choice - stop smoking now. I will not make him feel guilty for the very first cigarette he had 40 years ago and the ones he chooses to smoke from this point onwards. I can want him to stop. I know he wants to stop, I hope that this time it will work, but I will not judge him.

We make choices in life that can affect the amount of time we have here on earth. I admit I have picked up the mobile when it has beeped at me while driving. I know people who have driven drunk and someone who has driven tired, just to get home. Playing Russian roulette with our own lives and others. His choices affect the longivity of his own life not ours or anybody else's.

Today I feel better. I am going farmward this afternoon to see my babies and spend some precious time with my mum and dad. Maybe it is time you rang your parents - tell them you love them. How long has it been?

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